The Story of my Birth (Certificate)

When I was born, my mom wanted me to have her last name. Her last name was Valle, my father’s was Jowers.

So according to my mom:

I figured that no matter what happened, you were always going to be with me, alwasy. Your dad could come and go and whatever, but you were alwasy going to be part of my life.  So i thought why should you have someone else’s last name, when maybe they weren’t always going to be around but I was always going to have you? So I named you. But then HE went to go name you. So he said that he was going downstairs to name you.  And I thought “Oh, crap!” So he went to the nurse’s station and I got a call saying someone was trying to name you.  And they told me that your name was going to be Jowers like your dad. And I said, “No, I want her to have my last name.” So the nurse told me that this was Texas and by law you had to have your dad’s last name, so if Tim was your dad you had to have his last name. But if I didn’t know who your dad was you would have my last name. And she said that several times, like she was trying to tell me that I should say he wasn’t your dad, but she couldn’t say that. So finally she said, “So, If Mr Jowers is the father, she’ll have his last name. But if you don’t know who the father is….” So I said I didn’t know who the father was.

And he got so mad, I know he did. I could hear him stomping around and going to the elevator and pushing the button for the 3rd floor of the 4th floor or whatever, and coming down the hall, I just knew it was going to be bad. I just knew he was goinng to have a fit!! I knew he it was going to be so bad but i was going to stand my ground! It was important to me.  And I was really scared. So he came in, and said “This is so dumb…” and blah blah blah, and I was scared but I stood up for myself.  And he didn’t push it. I really thought he would, but he didn’t. I guess he thought that no matter what I was going to stand my ground.

-But how did you name me in the first place.

They came in and asked me while he was out doing someinthing.

-But dad said that you sent him to go get a soda.

He probably went to go get pot!


Or if you ask my dad:

Your momma wanted to name you, and she wanted to sneak, so she sent me out for a soda.  And when I was gone she went and named you with her last name. Which weren’t right. You shoulda had my last name, but weren’t nothin’ I could do about it.


So my birth certificate says:

Mother: Hispanic

Father: Unknown

Child: Caucasian


Guess they just forgot to erase that part, or something.

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