Closer to My Heart

Today, the necklace that I always wear was stuck in the track of my passenger seat. How it got there is a long an uniteresting/unimportant story.

I knew that one of two things was probably going to happen. Because I was so frenzied about not messing it up, I was probably going to. OR, trying not to, by tugging on the chain, i was probably going to break the chain.

I knew that if I calmed down, I could probably address this issue. I could, with patience, retrieve the charm and chain in good condition and move on with life. Patience here would have worked wonders.

In the end, I pulled too hard on the chain, broke it, and then (because the necklace is particularly representative of a relationship recently lost) yelled out. I was raised a susperstitious Mexican woman. I broke the chain because I was too impatient. Now the charm was stuck, lost to me. It was my fault….Parallels started zooming their way across my mind. No, no, no, I can’t loose this!!!

But i was not CREATED to be susperstitous. God whispered to me that I am not in control, He is. This was not outside of his sovereignty.  Comforted, I gained new resolve. This thing mattered to me and because one way didn’t work out I wasn’t going to give it up!  I marched my hiney back inside the house (i had just gotten in the car to go to work) and retrieved a new chain.  It was not the same length, it’s kinda dirty, and just isn’t the “perfect” chain I had the first time. But this one is pretty, more intricate, and FAR stronger. So when I got back to the car, I carefully and prayerfully wiggled the charm out, unharmed.  It now hangs only a few inches below my neckline, much closer to my heart.

It was no stretch for me to understand this in light of what’s going on in my life.  I had a delicate, beautiful thing, arranged just the way I thought it should be. And it broke. I didn’t MAKE it happen, per se, but I could have been a lot more patient, I could have depended rather than acted. Maybe it still would have broken, inconsequential, really. What matters is not what could have been, but that I learn. And something I’ve recently learned is that love doesn’t leave.  So while I do plan to get the original chain fixed, I now have something that reminds me to be patient, to be careful, to remember what actually matters. To be steadfast in rescuing(or pursuing) what needs to be rescued and caring for, but letting go of the things that are just my ideas of what should be.

Gimme some love in the comments, si quieres.

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