I know how out-of-nowhere this is, even for me, but, I’m moving again.
IF you don’t know me or my living situation very well, it’s no big deal. People move. Whatevs. But I currently live with my mom and my brother, and I was SO excited about it. I was SO happy that I got to live with them (I moved out when I was 16, 8 years ago) when I moved in December, and I was thrilled to finally settle in somewhere. I’ve been transitional since I left back in High School, moving 16 times since 2004. I liked being a gypsy for a long time, but …
Moving, this time, means letting go of a dream. And I mean letting GO. Saying, “Yep, this is what I wanted for a really long time, something I hoped and planned for, and I thought you gave it to me, and now you’re taking it away.” I feel like I just learned this lesson when C broke up with me. Something I knew God led me to and then something he said I wasn’t supposed to have anymore. And the sin in me screams, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Don’t you know that I followed you here? Why are you changing the plan?”
He’s not, of course. The break up, the move, the traffic accident, all of this was always in his original, beautiful, wonderful plan. And if this is my reaction to a lesson I thought I’d learned…i clearly haven’t learned it yet. I clearly haven’t learned to take every step in total dependence and total trust- and love it as I’m going.
So here is my prayer: “Thank you, God, for this new opportunity. I know it is your goodness and gift to me, and I know what my reaction should be. So please come. Please come and convert my heart, to make it like yours, cause in me a rejoicing in all circumstances. Give me a LOVE for and a DEVOTION to your plan. Search me, O God, and Know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any hurtful way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”